Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'

The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.

When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that.