A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.

There should be more on television that uplifts people and shows them how to better prepare themselves for earning a living. There still aren't enough people that say "this should not be." We just let it go. We need to raise a loud voice about our fellow human beings.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.

It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar.

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.