When I say, 'I don't care what white people think,' I mean that.

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.

I can't even talk the way these people talk. 'Why you ain't?' 'Where you is?' Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students.

The serve was invented so that the net could play.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.