I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking round.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

All around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.