When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing ... will win arguments and straighten people out.

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.

Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline.

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way.