Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.

When we look at the settling of America we see a Bible in hand and God. Every Thanksgiving has God and the peacefulness of gratitude. It was important when the Twin Towers were hit and the sorrow with them that the first thing Congress did was sing "God Bless America."

We are the only animals that let our kids come back home.

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.

You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!