The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

I didn't know how serious it is to a female that you lift the lid.

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.