A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

When my son was murdered people asked me how I felt about God and what had happened to my son. I said "no, you can't go there. You have to understand that there is a devil and he works 24/7. Whoever murdered our son was with the devil."

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.