The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

All around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.