I can't even talk the way these people talk. 'Why you ain't?' 'Where you is?' Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

You know my father's favorite game? Come here and pull my finger.

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing ... will win arguments and straighten people out.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

No matter what you think-life goes on and the world still turns and the universe has its own story. The most we can do is plan anyway, but understand, be humbled by things greater than ourselves.