If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what you're saying carries through.

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.

If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.

YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.