If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.