We are the only animals that let our kids come back home.

I was'nt always black. there was this freckel that just grew and grew.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing ... will win arguments and straighten people out.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!