One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.

On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.

Parenting needs to come to the forefront.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!