It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar.

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

Zip zop wop boopity bop.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.