Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!

I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive.

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.

Meadowlark and I share a common vision of bringing joy and laughter to others.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.