You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.

My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.