When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

You can't be everything to everyone