You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, mid-life for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter-miler, whose son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore, unless I bring something to read."

I don't have a clue about the way to achievement, however the way to disappointment is attempting to please everyone.

I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.