My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.
Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
I know people are tired of me not saying anything, but a guy doesn't have to answer to innuendos.
My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.