Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.

I can't even talk the way these people talk. 'Why you ain't?' 'Where you is?' Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.