George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing.