Gray hair is God's graffiti.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I can't even talk the way these people talk. 'Why you ain't?' 'Where you is?' Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!

There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein.