In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.

Every romance does not lead to sex.

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.