Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?”

I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Every romance does not lead to sex.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.

We parents ask dumb questions, therefore we get dumb answers.