I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often.

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, I love children because they're so honest. There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting.