I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

A white person listens to my act and he laughs and he thinks, 'Yeah, that's the way I see it too.' Okay. He's white. I'm Negro. And we both see things the same way. That must mean that we are alike..... So I figure I'm doing as much for good race relations as the next guy.

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds.

Zip zop wop boopity bop.

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.