I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing ... will win arguments and straighten people out.

My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying I love you. His love had to do with the way he treated you. When he said, We're going here, we're going there, he was telling me about life. That was his love for me. My love for him was listening to what he said, keeping out of trouble, doing right, being fair.

I didn't know how serious it is to a female that you lift the lid.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.