I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.