Never forget that the devil is there 24/7 too. He's very, very busy.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

My dad came over to the house... went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of money, and began to pass it out to the children... This was the same man who, when I was his child, I would ask him for 50 cents, this man would tell me his life's story.

You know my father's favorite game? Come here and pull my finger.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play.