I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

Grandparents are God's gifts to children.

A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz.

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices."

There are no absolutes in raising children. In any stressful situation, fathering is always a roll of the dice. The game may be messy, but I have never found one with more joys and rewards.