I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

When I was a boy if a girl got pregnant the shame was placed on her and the boy could get away.

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.