My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.

I think you need to make responsibility something that's not just a word.

Most fathers and... Mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.

What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.