I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

You can't compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

Well, I really don't know what the secret of success is but I can tell you that the secret of failure is to try to please everyone.

As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.