These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking round.

YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

Sometimes you try to help people, and it backfires on you, and then they try to take advantage of you.