These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking round.

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively.

I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.