Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

We parents ask dumb questions, therefore we get dumb answers.

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.

Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!