Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking round.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.

Meadowlark and I share a common vision of bringing joy and laughter to others.