So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.

I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.

The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual.

Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

Just when I think the human race has been lost to the "what about me" people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.

I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I'm superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here's your sign!

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?