So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?

I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.

And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin' a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here's your sign.