And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.

You all saw him - he had a gun.

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.

You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.