Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

I am available for children's parties, by the way.