Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.

This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.

Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.

A Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.

Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.