I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'

I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.

It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

I am available for children's parties, by the way.