You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well... we looked at the receipts."

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

Don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

In Australia...they celebrate Easter the same...by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit...left chocolate eggs in the night

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.