People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?

You know what I hate about working? Bosses...The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well...I think you see the conflict.

I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.