People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.

This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.

...I just want to be free of the fears and anxieties and the superstitions of religion. An 'avenging GOD'? One who created Hell for those who don't believe? I thought we were the perfect and holy children of GOD? How could any limits possibly be put upon us? Hell.. really? I'm sorry, but... no. Wrong. You're wrong. That's an insane GOD and therefore not mine. Because, see, GOD would be very sane, don't you get it?