You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

Rock stars against drugs--that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now!

Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.

A Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.