I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.

I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.

I saw...a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs.

Isn't that weird, we've made nature against the law. That's how un-natural we've become.

I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.