I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.

We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

Don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.

It's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy... I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.