Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.
It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.
Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUDDHA!' 'You're Bubba!' 'Ah'm Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.