This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever.

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.