They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.

I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually...I'm gonna lose one lung; little while later I'm gonna lose the other one.

All governments are lying cocksuckers.