That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.

So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever.

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah... it's just not enough is it?

I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.