I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.

I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first: Iraq: 150,000, USA: 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, "I did it! Hey!"

Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.

The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions