If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?

I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

You are the imagination of yourself.

...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.