I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money!

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.

I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.