Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that.

I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]

How many of y'all wondered, like I did, during the LA riots when those people were being pulled out of their trucks and beaten half to death - step on the f***ing gas, man! They're on foot, you're in a truck - I think I see a way out of this.

You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America.

If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.

Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.

You know what I hate about working? Bosses...The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well...I think you see the conflict.