Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that.

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.

We'll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God - I am killing me!

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes--are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.