Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well... we looked at the receipts."

It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?

Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.

I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.