It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.